digplanet beta 1: Athena
Share digplanet:

Agriculture

Applied sciences

Arts

Belief

Business

Chronology

Culture

Education

Environment

Geography

Health

History

Humanities

Language

Law

Life

Mathematics

Nature

People

Politics

Science

Society

Technology

Dante looks longingly at Beatrice Portinari (in yellow) as she passes by him with Lady Vanna (in red) in Dante and Beatrice, by Henry Holiday

Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection or consciously reject it. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."[1]

Psychiatrist Eric Berne states in his book Sex in Human Loving that "Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner."[2] Others, however, like the philosopher Nietzsche, considered that "indispensable...to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference."[3] It can also be contrasted with redamancy or the act of reciprocal love.[4]

Analysis[edit]

Route to unrequited love[edit]

According to Dr. Roy Baumeister, what makes a man or woman desirable, of course, is a complex and highly personal mix of many qualities and traits. But falling for someone who is much more desirable than oneself, whether because of physical beauty or attributes like charm, intelligence, wit or status, Baumeister calls this kind of mismatch "prone to find their love unrequited" and that such relationships are falling upward.[5] According to some psychologists, opposites do attract, but it is not possible to attract those whose moral values are different.[6][7]

Unrequited love victims[edit]

The inability of the unrequited lover to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria.

Rejectors[edit]

'There are two dark sides to unrequited love, but only one is made familiar by our culture'[8] - that of the lover, not the rejector. In fact, research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions on a par with those of the suitor, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.[9] As Freud long since pointed out, 'when a woman sues for love, to reject and refuse is a distressing part for a man to play',.[10]

Popular culture[edit]

Unrequited love has been a frequent subject in popular culture. Movies, books and songs often portray the would-be lover's persistence as paying off when the rejector comes to his or her senses. The presence of this script makes it easy to understand why an unrequited lover persists in the face of rejection'.[11] The subject has also appeared in traditional folk songs, such as the Scots song I Once Loved a Lass.

'Platonic friendships provide a fertile soil for unrequited love'.[12] Thus the object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work, school or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, a fear that revelation of feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment or might end all access to the beloved, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association.

Advantages[edit]

Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering. Literary and artistic depictions of unrequited love may depend on assumptions of social distance which have less relevance in western, democratic societies with relatively high social mobility, or less rigid codes of sexual fidelity. Nonetheless, the literary record suggests a degree of euphoria in the feelings associated with unrequited love, which has the advantage as well of carrying none of the responsibilities of mutual relationships: certainly, 'rejection, apparent or real, may be the catalyst for inspired literary creation..."the poetry of frustration"'.[13]

Eric Berne considered that 'the man who is loved by a woman is lucky indeed, but the one to be envied is he who loves, however little he gets in return. How much greater is Dante gazing at Beatrice than Beatrice walking by him in apparent disdain'.[14]

Remedies[edit]

Roman poet Ovid in his Remedia Amoris 'provides advice on how to overcome inappropriate or unrequited love. The solutions offered include travel, teetotalism, bucolic pursuits and, ironically, avoidance of love poets'.[15]

Dorothy Tennov (1979) has suggested that the only cure for being in love is to get indisputable evidence that the target of one's love is not interested.[16]

Cultural analogues[edit]

In the wake of his real-life experiences with Maud Gonne, in a further twist, W. B. Yeats wrote of those who 'had read/All I had rhymed of that monstrous thing/Returned and yet unrequited love'.[17] According to Robert B. Pippin, Proust claimed that 'the only successful (sustainable) love is unrequited love'.[18] According to Pippin, sometimes 'unrequited love...has been invoked as a figure for the condition of modernity itself'.[19]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ "Unrequited - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary". Merriam-webster.com. Retrieved 2012-05-23. 
  2. ^ Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970) p. 130
  3. ^ This is how R. B. Pippin describes Nietzsche's views in The Persistence of Subjectivity (2005) p. 326.
  4. ^ Ash, John. The New And Complete Dictionary Of The English Language: In Which All The Words are Introduced ... : To Which Is Prefixed, A Comprehensive Grammar ; In Two Volumes, Volume 2. Dilly. Retrieved 12 June 2015. 
  5. ^ http://www.nytimes.com/1993/02/09/science/pain-of-unrequited-love-afflicts-the-rejecter-too.html?pagewanted=2 titlle : pain of-unrequitedlove afflicts the rejecter too
  6. ^ The Real Reason That Opposites Attract https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201401/the-real-reason-opposites-attract
  7. ^ Opposites DO attract: Psychologists say couples who are too similar to each other are less likely to last http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2279003/Opposites-DO-attract-Psychologists-say-couples-similar-likely-last.html
  8. ^ "To love or be loved in vain: The trials and tribulations of unrequited love. In W. R. Cupach & B. H. Spitzberg (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships (pp. 307-326). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Carpenter, L. M. (1998)Spitzberg, p. 308
  9. ^ Goleman, Daniel (1993-02-09). "Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter, Too - NYTimes.com". New York Times. Retrieved 2010-03-31. 
  10. ^ Janet Malcolm, Psychoanalysis: The Impossible Profession (London 1988) p. 9
  11. ^ B. H. Spitzberg/W. R. Cupach, The Dark Side of Close Relationships (1998) p. 251
  12. ^ Spitzberg, p. 311
  13. ^ Mary Ward, The Literature of Love (2009) p. 45-6
  14. ^ Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970) p. 238
  15. ^ A. Grafton et al, The Classical Tradition (2010) p. 664
  16. ^ R. F. Baumeister/S. R. Wotman, Breaking Hearts (1994) p. 150
  17. ^ Y. B. Yeats, The Poems (London 1983) p. 155
  18. ^ Pippin, p. 326
  19. ^ Pippin, p. 326n

Further reading[edit]

  • Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy (New York 1951) THE THIRD PARTITION: LOVE-MELANCHOLY
  • J. Reid Meloy, Violent Attachments (1997)
  • Peabody, Susan 1989, 1994, 2005, "Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships."

External links[edit]


Original courtesy of Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love — Please support Wikipedia.
This page uses Creative Commons Licensed content from Wikipedia. A portion of the proceeds from advertising on Digplanet goes to supporting Wikipedia.
53019 videos foundNext > 

Unrequited love: What is it and how do we make it stop?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I felt it was a topic, while relatively common, should nontheless be talked about. If you've found this video and are ...

Unrequited Love Poem (On watching someone you love love someone else)

Sierra DeMulder performing Unrequited Love Poem.

The bittersweet beauty of unrequited love: Jesse Bering at TEDxMalibu

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation," reads Henry David Thoreau's immortal line. This applies to our sexual lives as well, and in this talk, Jesse ...

Unrequited Love and Letting Go

So it's been a while since I've filmed a video but here's a video about unrequited love and letting go. (I apologise for the lighting, I have yet to get proper lighting)

Unrequited Love: Advice on Loving Alone

A girl has her eye on a certain guy... who doesn't reciprocate her feelings. Joy's over at the babbling brook with some advice and action steps on how to move ...

Dizzy Dizzo - Unrequited Love (Off the Cuff) (feat. THELIONCITYBOY)

iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/tw/album/diz... Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ddomchoy Instagram:http://instagram.com/dizzydizzo Music video by Dizzy ...

How to Cope with Unrequited Love

How to cope with unrequited love in 10 easy-ish steps! (And possibly how to deal with a breakup)

Lykke Li - Unrequited Love

I DON'T OWN THIS SONG! No copyright infringement intended. All copyright goes to their rightful owner(s) Please support them and buy the original CD.

Morning Stories | Susie On Unrequited Love

You may know her as @FleetStreetFox on Twitter, but here's Susie Boniface on love and putting yourself 'out there' in our new weekday feature #MorningStories ...

ABRAHAM HICKS Unrequited Love

Esther Hicks channels Abraham. www.abraham-hicks.com.

53019 videos foundNext > 

15981 news items

 
Sky News
Sun, 02 Aug 2015 17:45:00 -0700

Sky News today launches Morning Stories, a weekday series that aims to give you food for thought as you start your day. First up is journalist Susie Boniface - who some may know better as @FleetStreetFox on Twitter - talking about unrequited love.

Thanh Nien Daily

Thanh Nien Daily
Sun, 02 Aug 2015 22:37:30 -0700

A teenaged boy suspected of killing his school mate at a Ho Chi Minh City hotel over unrequited love has been arrested at his home in central Vietnam nearly two weeks after the murder. The HCMC police cooperated with their Quang Binh Province ...
 
San Antonio Express-News (subscription)
Fri, 24 Jul 2015 15:30:00 -0700

Look, San Antonio loves you. We think we can't live without you. (Even though we survived just fine before we knew you existed. OK, fine, you complete us.) Before you left us in April, you took us where we needed to go. You were always there for us ...
 
Thanh Nien Daily
Fri, 24 Jul 2015 03:23:31 -0700

Vietnamese teen arrested for alleged murder after unrequited love. By Hue Minh - Ngoc Tho - Dam Huy, Thanh Nien News. HO CHI MINH CITY - Friday, July 24, 2015 17:17 Email Print. The schoolboy involved in the death of a girl at a hotel room in Ho Chi ...

CHCH News

CHCH News
Wed, 08 Jul 2015 06:52:30 -0700

When her friends convince her to see a psychic to re-ignite her love life with her former boyfriend, a woman's vague reference about which boyfriend leads to a hilarious and introspective journey about unrequited love. That is the plotline of the new ...

Thanh Nien Daily

Thanh Nien Daily
Sun, 19 Jul 2015 22:26:15 -0700

Police officers at the scene where four people of a family were killed in a remote village in Nghe An Province on July 2. Photo: Thuc Anh. Nghe An police have arrested a 24-year-old man for allegedly killing four people of a family, including an infant ...

allkpop

allkpop
Tue, 28 Jul 2015 10:43:03 -0700

D.O was asked if he had any difficulty portraying the pureness of a first love when he had no experience in the area; he replied, "Still, I'm 23, so I have experienced unrequited love in elementary, middle, and high school. I think my memories from ...

Chicago Sun-Times - Breaking News (blog)

Chicago Sun-Times - Breaking News (blog)
Sun, 02 Aug 2015 11:11:15 -0700

Drawing us into the story is Mash (Katy Carolina Collins is blackly comic perfection), a wildly unhappy post-punk twentysomething who strums self-composed songs of unrequited love and alienation on her ukelele (forgot those Russian balalaikas). She is ...
Loading

Oops, we seem to be having trouble contacting Twitter

Support Wikipedia

A portion of the proceeds from advertising on Digplanet goes to supporting Wikipedia. Please add your support for Wikipedia!

Searchlight Group

Digplanet also receives support from Searchlight Group. Visit Searchlight